She’s done it again.
You walk out of the salon feeling worse than when you walked in. Your hairstylist spent the entire appointment talking negatively about your hair. The nail tech filed your nails too short, and you said nothing. You paid full price, tipped 20%, and left with that familiar knot in your stomach.
But next month, you’ll book with them again.
Why do we keep returning to beauty providers who diminish us instead of elevate us? The answer reveals everything about our relationship with power.
Beauty is an impactful experience for any woman who engages with it on a daily basis. It engages with culture, community, time commitment, social dynamics and power. A big aspect to beauty is the engagement with beauty providers who help women through a ritualistic approach to beauty and transformation. If you go to the wrong beauty provider who makes you feel bad, there’s a bigger problem at large. In this article, I will share with you why you keep going back and what it says about your relationship with power.
The Social Dynamics of Women and Beauty
As women, we are taught the social dynamics of emotional bonding and connection. It is based on how much commitment of work and energy you or someone places into the relationship. Sharing your feelings and emotions shows up in these social dynamics as well. It is one of the underlying engagements you are practicing with your beauty provider. You are bonding with them by sharing either a personal experience, emotional moment and exchanging energy through touch with your hands, feet, hair, face or body. These experiences can bring a level of intimacy that a woman may not get from others in her family or friends.
I’ve worked with several women across the world with their beauty. I have noticed an important pattern within the social dynamic of women with beauty. There is beauty powerlessness happening across the world. I have seen three types of beauty psychology patterns. What does this look like?
The Three Psychology Traps Keeping You Powerless
Trap #1: Conflict Avoidance
You stay silent when services don’t meet your standards. You don’t speak up when you feel unsatisfied with your service or stop a provider when you’ve changed your mind. You stress yourself out during the service because it’s not enjoyable at all.
I have had students have a fear of rocking the boat or changing the status quo in their beauty routines. It does not only show up in their beauty routines because it shows up in other aspects of their lives. This pattern leads to avoiding or ignoring your needs and wants. I have seen women smile through the pain in a beauty service versus speaking up to communicate that something is wrong.
Real example:
A woman heads to the nail salon with the intention of making her nails look good and relaxing. She begins her service with a tech. She sits watching the tech work away, file her nails too short, realizes that she doesn’t like the color she chose, and she doesn’t speak up. She lets the service continue, pays the appropriate amount with a 20% tip and leaves unsatisfied and slightly resentful.
Trap #2: The Scarcity Response
You book whoever’s available instead of waiting for the right provider that fits your needs, time and energy. You stress yourself out with keeping the same option versus finding a good match. You are okay with not getting all that you want.
I have had clients adopt this mindset because of fear of change and fear of being seen. “I cannot afford anyone else.” “I can’t find anyone better.” They adopt sunk cost fallacy in fear and in lack of finding a solution to their beauty needs. It shows up in other aspects of their lives too. Personally, I call it living halfway and women being afraid to be seen and heard for what they truly want.
Real example:
A woman is looking for a hairstylist that can do a specific hairstyle in time for her vacation. After taking a look at two to three options, she finds out that the providers she looked at are booked out for the next month. She asks a friend for a last minute option to come save the day.
She comes to the new stylist and enters her chair. The first interaction, “Oh wow, you have a lot of hair.” The woman continues the service as it’s her only ‘option’ as the stylist constantly talks negatively about her client’s hair during the appointment. After her appointment, she feels not great and ready to leave for her vacation.
The next time she has a last minute ask, she remembers that stylist and the convenience of booking. She goes back and goes through the same interactions again. Client leaves feeling worse about themselves every time but keeps going back because “I don’t know how to find someone else.”
Trap #3: The Approval Trap
You’re beautifying for others’ validation instead of your own power. You care more about what others say about your looks than you do. You stress yourself out looking for approval from others rather than internal confidence and comfort.
I have had clients get to the point of frustration where they cannot understand why they aren’t getting the things they want (a job, great relationship with a man, attention, etc). You are seeking validation from others which makes the beauty experience not an enjoyable experience. It can show up as stiff hands in the nail chair, heightened nervous system with fight, flight or fawn response in the hairstylist chair or engaging in painful services with the belief of ‘beauty is pain’. I have seen clients change from unengaged with dead eyes and pale skin to a glow from within and warm presence by opting out of this belief.
Real example:
A woman is looking for an opportunity to come her way. She learned growing up that she has to change her look, personality and energy to receive attention. It looked like getting certain looks to attract men into her life, changing her outfits to match her senior female boss and wearing certain clothing to make her mother happy. She learned to beautify herself for others versus what she wanted. She is constantly thinking about how people view her outfit, her makeup, her hair. She nitpicks herself daily in the mirror and gets upset with a ‘fashion failure’.
The Cost of These Patterns
If any of these sound familiar, you’re not alone. These patterns keep you spending money without getting the transformation, respect, or joy you deserve. It starts to build resentment over time. Most women navigate beauty spaces from patterns of powerlessness instead of strategic investment.
But here’s what I’ve learned: This isn’t just about beauty. It’s about power.
What’s Your Relationship with Beauty & Power?
I am here to help you change your relationship with beauty and power. I am a woman who understands that beauty is a strategic investment.
Beauty as strategic investment changes the way you believe, how you make choices with your beauty and the investment you put into them, and how you engage with the world. I have found beauty and money are two ways women understand and struggle within the social and power dynamics of the world.
But what if you could completely transform how you approach beauty?
Questions to Assess Your Current Relationship:
- Am I happy with my exchange to pay and tip my current provider?
- How do I look when I leave the salon?
- If I can choose my beauty investments, what investments would I add more to or reduce?
- Do I get jealous when I see my provider living a good life?
- Who did I learn about beauty from?
A New Approach: The Woman Who Masters Beauty Investment
She walks into a beauty store and confidently says no to products that don’t serve her vision. She has clear budget boundaries and knows exactly where she wants to invest her money and why.
When she goes to the spa, she’s strategic: “I want to spend on these specific services because I have a big presentation coming up and this helps me feel calm and prepared.”
If a hairstylist speaks negatively over her head, she stops them immediately: “Please don’t speak negatively about my hair.” If the energy isn’t right, she has no problem leaving.
She’s built such strong relationships with her beauty providers that they consistently give her exceptional service—and then some. Private events, personalized invitations, special treatment—because the energy exchange feels good for everyone.
She tips generously and feels genuinely happy about every dollar she spends on beauty because she’s investing from power, not desperation.
This is what happens when you understand beauty as strategic investment.
Transform Your Relationship with Beauty and Power
If this resonates, I’m teaching the complete psychology and strategy in my August masterclass, How to Approach Beauty as Strategic Investment.
We will have 2 hours of focused, transformational education with a live online masterclass with Q&A. The investment is $175, and you will get live access, a recording, and a workbook. You can pay full price here or via payment plan.
Do you have a good relationship with beauty? Do you want to learn how to build one?
I have helped women change their relationship with beauty and power. I want this for you. Join me on August 16th from 11 am to 1 PM EDT.
